“I want to be me AND still win each time”- message sent to: God

27 Oct

I’m trying to sort out my emotions as I begin typing this. 😕 Maybe, I spoke too soon the last time- I realize that I still imagine an ideal world and feel like I’m grating myself, day after day, in the process of finding it.

It takes ALL I possess to be as honest and sincere as I am. Insincerity, deceit, temptation and sin can get strong when everyone else is following it. I’ve known that before, but I’m now reminded of how sapping the effect of its pull can be.

If I bothered asking anyone what they thought of that, they would very easily say, “You’re doing what you’re doing for you. Don’t crib and act like a saint then.” Aha! 😀 😀 (Yep! Sarcastic laughter, indeed.) Very well then folks- point taken. I’m doing all that I’m doing for me. I’m doing it because the morals I’ve learnt are so deeply ingrained in my head that the magnetism of the easy, wrong path might stretch my soul, in an attempt to throw it out of my being; but my heart WILLS relentlessly to stay rooted. I cannot explain that any better and I don’t think you should try comprehending, if what I’ve just said hasn’t made any sense to you at all. Let’s end by saying, we’re different and leave it at that, if required.

Following the right path has had me appear weird, feel unaccepted, get taken for granted, sound whiny/ unsocial/ nutty and as if all of that wasn’t enough, left me speechless on occasions where name-calling would have been easy and extremely justified.

I’m tired and drained- for now. I’ll lie still and get back up on my feet, I know; it’ll be a few hours though. For now, I just want to cry. 😦 Will it change anything? No. I will just have lightened my heart enough to be able to pick up my battles again and fight. Fight, I will; even if like they tell me, all of this goes on to kill me. Am I being stubborn? I don’t think so. Principled? YES.

Where is God when I need him? If he is busy for now, even Gandhiji would do. I’d gladly grab a few pointers on how he went about things being him. Don’t take me wrong. I’m not trying to be him. I’m being me– and take it from me, that’s being a LOT.


6 Responses to ““I want to be me AND still win each time”- message sent to: God”

  1. Sushmita November 16, 2011 at 8:22 pm #

    ??? i am not able to add this address to my blog roll! help please!

  2. Of One Heart November 17, 2011 at 6:29 am #

    Darling just click on “design” on your dashboard, then edit your “blog list” gadget, then “add a blog” where you copy paste this http://www.bubblesandpebbles.wordpress.com and save. I just tried it before telling you what to do and it works. 🙂

  3. haze November 22, 2011 at 8:43 pm #

    Oh, come here and I’ll give you a hug! Whatever it is, it will end soon. (It will end, darling.) And you are a very strong and mature person. Listen to your heart. Listen to God. I don’t think He’s busy at all. He is watching over you. Always.

    Love you!

  4. haze November 28, 2011 at 6:00 am #

    Haha. Crazy woman! I would never call you a bad blogger! It’s alright, I understand. I just worry sometimes that you’re not getting any of my messages. I hope everything is okay, though. Please take care.

  5. Of One Heart December 9, 2011 at 9:17 am #

    Re-read this comment to yourself, Haze. You are the therapy you need.

  6. Of One Heart December 9, 2011 at 9:19 am #

    It’s all falling into place, just like it was meant to- for all of us. 🙂 Watch out for your miracles!

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