Tag Archives: Classy

“I want to be me AND still win each time”- message sent to: God

27 Oct

I’m trying to sort out my emotions as I begin typing this. 😕 Maybe, I spoke too soon the last time- I realize that I still imagine an ideal world and feel like I’m grating myself, day after day, in the process of finding it.

It takes ALL I possess to be as honest and sincere as I am. Insincerity, deceit, temptation and sin can get strong when everyone else is following it. I’ve known that before, but I’m now reminded of how sapping the effect of its pull can be.

If I bothered asking anyone what they thought of that, they would very easily say, “You’re doing what you’re doing for you. Don’t crib and act like a saint then.” Aha! 😀 😀 (Yep! Sarcastic laughter, indeed.) Very well then folks- point taken. I’m doing all that I’m doing for me. I’m doing it because the morals I’ve learnt are so deeply ingrained in my head that the magnetism of the easy, wrong path might stretch my soul, in an attempt to throw it out of my being; but my heart WILLS relentlessly to stay rooted. I cannot explain that any better and I don’t think you should try comprehending, if what I’ve just said hasn’t made any sense to you at all. Let’s end by saying, we’re different and leave it at that, if required.

Following the right path has had me appear weird, feel unaccepted, get taken for granted, sound whiny/ unsocial/ nutty and as if all of that wasn’t enough, left me speechless on occasions where name-calling would have been easy and extremely justified.

I’m tired and drained- for now. I’ll lie still and get back up on my feet, I know; it’ll be a few hours though. For now, I just want to cry. 😦 Will it change anything? No. I will just have lightened my heart enough to be able to pick up my battles again and fight. Fight, I will; even if like they tell me, all of this goes on to kill me. Am I being stubborn? I don’t think so. Principled? YES.

Where is God when I need him? If he is busy for now, even Gandhiji would do. I’d gladly grab a few pointers on how he went about things being him. Don’t take me wrong. I’m not trying to be him. I’m being me– and take it from me, that’s being a LOT.

Advertisements

Look out- those footprints grow!

7 Oct

Three days ago, somewhere in the midst of the Navratri festival, I saw a little girl of about 8 or 9, strutting around on the streets in golden heels, racing in tow with her Mom. That made me literally stop in my tracks and wonder about the last pair of fancy shoes I might have ever owned- in class III or IV maybe- albeit, mine were black. It amazed me to recollect that I actually had at least one pair of sandals (other than my school shoes, i.e.) bought in my name, year after year, until I was that age. So, it isn’t my parents’ fault that I’m such a lousy dresser now, is it? Hmm. 😕

Today, during a quiet moment, I happened to look down at my feet. When did I grow up to be so big? I have NO idea. Let this be a crazy dream, God. Actually, I’m not sure I’m willing to go all the way back, too.

I’m mumbling, aren’t I? Ah! I can do this. I can. I SO surely can. I can. I will. I am. I am… Phew. I am because I can and it makes me happy– it does- it’s true. I am exactly where I’m meant to be. I’m progressing. This is good. All I need to do is relax a bit more. I’ll be fine. Ah! Writing is therapy. 🙂

Until next time, au revoir folks! Be good.

When the Doctor needs a Doctor

24 Sep

It’s important for me to write this piece, today. Reason: I don’t like that the archives on both my blogs have nothing to boast of in the month of September. This can’t be! How did this happen to me?? Ah! Never mind! (because I want to defend myself. :D) I want to mention the innumerable times in this gap, when I’ve formed posts in my head, only to see them getting washed over by the waves of the next emotion I’d happen to experience. (Note to self- I need to be able to blog on the go, soon enough.) It’s a pity that happened, but I’m still here and that’s all that matters to make sure this story struts along happily to the finish!

Time has fatigued me in the past month or so and made me feel more like a worn-out wash-cloth awaiting it’s long due rinse in its shiny new bubble bath that it oh-so-truly deserves. Am I cribbing? Oh-oh. Ahem! Not; not at all in fact. (Liar me! ;)) I’m just soaking in my spare moments, giving myself a hearty pat on my back and telling myself, “Girl, you’ve done well! You’ve done so incredibly well! And I am so very proud of you!” True, this.

It’s crazy. Life is crazy; if you allow yourself to melt into the background of your own narrative. Stamp your face like a watermark on every single page of every little chapter there is in there and remind yourself of who ought to be calling the cards each day. What does it matter what anyone else says, thinks or feels? What do YOU feel? Why do you feel a certain thing? What can you do to better it for yourself? It ain’t impossible. No! It ain’t.

Look at me. I feel the need to work on my confidence and presentation. (We’re all beautiful- we just need to be able to see it in ourselves and trying is where ALL the success is.) I am teaching myself a lesson in being more forthright, while understanding that it doesn’t take away from me, my niceness. It is okay to feel vulnerable when someone critiques you; yet it’s important to be grateful for all they’ve bothered telling you, to still continue to see them in good light, to become better in your thoughts if you are to bring about any change in your behavior at all due to what you’ve now learnt and to appreciate yourself for remaining classy through it all, without getting your dirty linen out in public to beat the grime out of- that’s what I’m busy engraving into my skull.

Bring the love back into your lives, people! I know I have begun to. 🙂 And it’s bound to be a miracle. Let’s do this! [I will be back sooner than you’re thinking, by the way! Caught ya!! 😀 Quit judging, will you?!]