Tag Archives: Money

Vision to RINSE out adamance!

13 Nov

A few days ago, I felt very strongly against people who made it beyond obvious that they cared enough to pay attention to/ respected only the well-dressed, beautified, pancaked, awesomely-fluent, empty-talkers, snobbishly securing their place in society; while practically not caring two hoots about the hard-working, dawn-to-dusk slogging, sincere, honest, dedicated and ethical types. To make matters worse, for the most part, I know that I feature in the lot at the latter half of that statement. 😕 😕

Did it pinch? Oh, yes. Did I complain and make a big show of it to anyone who I felt would stop to listen? Quite as much. But did their answers give me hope? Umm, let’s see. Most said, “That’s the way it is and there’s nothing you or I can do about it.” Some said, “Don’t bother about what the others think; do things for you. Do what makes YOU happy!” Aha! Yes, I know. It’s nice to talk these things, is what I thought as I continued to contemplate and muddle with my depressive feelings; then, just like that, I gave up. I had convinced myself that I’d be OKAY with staying in my dimly-lit life, with an almost invisible profile to my credit. I had decided that I shouldn’t have to change for anyone; it had to be the others who’d have to go in search of vision- vision that’d teach them to appreciate the unique beauty there is in each one of us- the beauty that I was sure, lay in the eyes of the beholder.

Today, God threw me headlong into a crowd that was exactly the kind I had decided I never could be with and surely, didn’t want to become. I found myself struggling with my appearance. [For those who read my other motivational blog and are thinking, “NO! This girl didn’t just say that!” Well, honeys, I just did. Welcome to reality. Grab a big mouthful of it and let’s move back into the conversation, that will continue to remain one-sided for however long I please, of course! 😀] I tried hard to pull on, willing the minutes to pass faster than they seemed to be, making sure I crawled back into my shell as and when time permitted- UNCOOL.

Everything in life needs getting used to; it is true. In a while, before I knew it, the novelty of the fear I was experiencing was gone- now, THAT, my friends, is the beauty of the amazingly short-lived human attention span, which again, is another story in itself, if you ask me! 😉 One thing I noticed while I was there, that I’ll be brave enough to admit to, was this- I formed opinions of people based on how they dressed, spoke and presented themselves, too. FAIL, I thought with regret; but now that I think about it, we all WANT to get better in each aspect of our lives- so, if people look like they take care of themselves and love themselves like they ought to, they obviously teach us a great deal by just breathing the same air and by being in the same room as us. We’re all brilliant pupils who know precisely where there is a lesson worth learning; and we absorb each intricate detail just like we’re meant to.

I WANT to be awesome, fun and self-loving; I want to be a fantastic teacher, too. I know now for sure that external appearances and fabulous talks do not compensate for the requirement of a good heart in anybody. Even a brief encounter can reveal what truly flourishes beneath the surface and if that picture ain’t a pretty one, people ain’t happy- I can vouch for that given what I saw. 🙂

For the knowledge I have found in this day, for the perfect (albeit, concealed) opportunity to understand myself better and for the rigid notions I held on to that continue to melt away as I write, I will remain eternally grateful. I do not know what it is that brings solutions to all of our problems tumbling and bouncing our way- God, our thoughts or some pre-determined script that some call fate– whatever it is, it works; and it works beautifully perfectly, in the most mysterious of all ways possible. I am truly glad it IS all exactly the way it is. 😉

What to do and what not to…

24 Oct

Sometimes, I wonder- Don’t ALL people come from God? Don’t we all have a heart that still belongs to Him? 😕 😕 Why then, would anyone treat someone else worse than they’d treat a street dog? (Not that any street dog deserves to be treated badly.)

I am thinking as I question you. What is it? The arrogance of being at the paying end? The gross misconception of being more knowledgeable about all that life has to offer? The authoritativeness that stems from being born in the lap of luxury or from living in it now? The egotism that grows out of being fortunate enough to be more literate than the opposite person?? Or is it the pain and irritation of being afflicted with suffering that seemingly (in their minds) no one else understands? [VERY likely, this; but one has to be wise enough to be able to look beyond themselves after a while, at least, right??]

I understand bad behavior to a certain extent- I do. In fact, I personally encourage relieving one’s stress as and when it’s levels shoot up rather than building it all up within oneself. Everybody needs an outlet once in a while; but to see someone taking liberties with every other, only to find that none of it got followed with even a simple apology in due course, I start to question said person’s brain power, character, common sense quotient, the very basis of their existence AND their purpose in living such a disgustingly appalling life.

Several situations occur in my day when my heart wants to intervene- it tugs at me in my chest as I convince myself to walk away from the trouble I’ll land myself into; but isn’t it the right thing to do to object when you see injustice being meted out to someone before your own eyes? Or no, let me get this right- is that role meant only for the LEAD character of a hit film to play??!

My mind wants to scream out loud and say something grotesque to calm my heart just so that I’ll move on. A part of me wants to correct the situation. And then again, a third part of me argues that each person’s attitude predetermines the situations they encounter each day- that last line isn’t my personal choice of belief; however, a book I firmly swear by says it as being true, which kind of makes it difficult for me to contradict, considering that the theories in there have helped me pick myself up from the dumps plenty of times already.

You know what? I can’t write anymore. I AM going to change the system– that is all I know and God will help me with that starting now; that fact rings out loud and clear in my soul. Wish me luck! 🙂

Insincerity is a disease that spreads faster than stinky slime

6 Aug

Recovery from being a verbal abuser is tough. To know that, to gain command over your thoughts out of sheer will power and then, to watch the dam of your patience starting to give way; the cracks in it dribbling every few seconds, polluting the waters in your world, is downright depressing.

But what do you do when teamwork becomes your boss? What about when the Hippocratic oath seems like another consent form everyone seems to have signed blindly (as part of the lousy herd-mentality that came free with their cluster disorder package) just to get their greedy hands on that coveted degree? Working hard and struggling to clean the filth in society is all fine; but how about the times when you’re covering the greasy muck with a blanket of your sincerity, honesty and dizziness-inducing, arduous labor, yet have no scope to get noticed for the same? You may not demand appreciation because you do what you do for your satisfaction, but what if, much to your chagrin, you’re treated with the same disgust and disdain that every duty-shirking, money-hungry, (use explicit swear word, here) cheating, scheming, seeming-quack voluntarily asks for?

I cannot work under a slime-covered carpet, incessantly toiling to make it shine; while everyone walks left, right and center through the holes they’ve dug in it, to escape their dues. I’ll run about with disinfectant all over the place, all on my own if I need to, but when it is clean, pose with that mop in hand, I will- whether you care to look in my direction or not.

They talk of wanting to wipe out corruption in the comfort of their cozy dens, yet fail miserably to realize that they are one of the key ingredients of that same well-oiled machine- who are they kidding? Or maybe, this is part of their cover-up, too and I’ve only just taken time to look through their veil- one can never know for sure, right? I feel bad when my bubble breaks and am not sure I want to grow up, anymore- I’d rather go back to Primary School, where they lied to me in books about fairness, justice and equality, through soul-nourishing stories, overflowing with truth, valor, wit and bravery. In watching these infected mice run like they do- hour after hour, in seeing the fury in me wanting to emulate their deceiving ways in order to trick them, to give them a taste of their own medicine; I hate to see what I allow myself to become, albeit for a few minutes, in the innermost depths of my mind. However, a few hours of well-deserved sleep have snapped me back to my senses.

I may not have the answers to this riddle yet; but I know that I can continue to do my part because one person STILL matters. I might not turn out to be half as rich as them, but God will take care of me- that much, He can do. The tears that start to spill out even as I type that last sentence remind me of how I had begun to look at life so controllingly in the past day or two. I had forgotten the meaning of the line my Mum repeats to me often- “Do your best and leave the rest to God.” That may seem like no solution in reality, but for my heart, today, there ain’t no better cure. Thank goodness for the goodness that prevails despite every test. I’m glad that I have a place to vent in the open, refreshing air to breathe and water to gulp down the lumps that occasionally form in my throat. It is no wonder to me now, that rest is king. Get good sleep, people! 🙂 It makes life a hundred, thousand-fold better; trust me!

Thanks for listening. Au revoir!

When “greenery” finds a new meaning :-/

30 Jul

We work. We earn. The greener our perspectives become, I start to wonder where all the nobility went. It probably got tossed out the window the moment we realized we’re human, that we have needs, dreams, ambitions and desires, too. It’s a shame that our sincerity, dedication, talents, skills, education and determination to succeed are, for lack of a better option, put out there on scales of comparison, awarded tokens- silver, gold or platinum and allowed to become larger than who we really are as people- you and I.

Don’t you just begin to cringe internally, when you find yourself scowling and wondering, “Ow! He/she can’t be making that much money with merely that level of schooling. This is unfair- to me!” And yet, the fact is- we all do. Why can’t we ALL live in spacious homes, with enough dough on the table to run the show forever, with the freedom to study/work/be whatever/whoever/wherever we have always wanted and to settle wherever we deem perfect- just like that? (meaning- of course, no do-or-die exam terror, no visa hassles, no will-they-accept-my-application stress, no crying-over-the-best-job-there-is-out-there, no oh!-I-want-to-be-normal-like-everyone-else-too and no ow!-what-will-they-think-of-me rubbish; making that list as short as possible.) Why can’t we have all of this and not have to worry about disease or affliction ever coming upon our close ones (I know that would put my profession as a Medical Doctor in jeopardy, but isn’t that the ultimate rosy-eyed goal of every physician that ever enrolled into first year of Medical school?), while still being exactly who we are, while still wanting to succeed in each of our endeavors every single day (instead of simply greedily grabbing everything presented to us on multiple platters) and while continuing to be as driven towards a better world and a better tomorrow, as we are today?? WHY? Why can’t we have it all? I want it all. I do. I WANT abundant goodness.

I understand that I’m being impractical; thank you, but I don’t want to be hearing any of it- not just yet. I’m not ready to let go of my childhood, it’s (probably silly) fantasies and fairy-tale stories- knowing me, maybe, I never will. Am I trying to challenge God and His plans? No. Been there, done that; the good thing being, I know now that sooner or later, His Plans make utmost sense. So, I can ramble, argue and throw all the tantrums I want to, but there’ll come a day when I’ll roll my eyes at the naiveté that I’m being as I type this, today. Ah! Life! Why does it have to be this whole learn-grow-keep growing cycle? At least 7 times in each of my days, I hear myself screaming aloud, “God! Whatever were you thinking?” I can almost see Him laughing at me in response each time. He has surely gotten used to my madness, in every way thinkable and yes, long gotten over His initial shock to see what became of His once-tiny creation, too- I realize that despite my current state of mind; so, thank you for giving me some credit. (taking a bow!)

I’m complaining, inconclusive, adamant, (add hungry) right now; but I’ll be okay because we’re all ALWAYS okay, eventually. Phew. To be able to love who we are despite ourselves- that is exactly why God is God, you know? I think that’s simply amazing. (“Message delivered, brownie points earned! Yesss!” Haha! I kid, but thankfully, that totally lightens me up. :D)

Until another day, sayonara folks!